The Manitoba Liquor Control Commission has started a laudable new campaign called With Child, Without Alcohol. In it, you will find such irrefutable gems of current scientific wisdom such as:
when it comes to drinking during pregnancy, the only absolutely safe amount is absolutely none at all
But I ask, why stop there? This really points to a serious shortcoming in our society, namely, the fact that pregnancy is not better regulated (or even regulated at all!). Why, any self-absorbed hedonistic lout can go out and have herself a child. If we, as a society, are unwilling or unable to force pre-pregnant women to undergo suitability testing and contractual agreements to fetal safety conditions, then we, as a society, must be willing to impose those views on pregnant women whenever we see them engaged in any act that may have ominously undefinable but most definitely “bad” consequences for the child.
The honest truth is that we don’t know all the potentially scary long term effects on children of toxins and chemicals and activities endured by a mother when she is pregnant. We don’t. As the wise people at MLCC say “the only absolutely safe amount is absolutely none at all”.
Below is a list of non-acceptable behaviours for pregnant women, including women you think may be pregnant, may be trying to get pregnant, or have a child under one year old that they really should be breastfeeding. Please feel free to add your own, and to work by your own judgement. If something being done by a pregnant women just feels ‘wrong’ to you, then by all means take it upon yourself to force her to change her ways and behaviours. Remember, citizens, this is not just for the fun of putting uppity pregnant women in their place; this is a call to create a better future generation by eliminating the harmful effects of all maternal pre-natal activities.
Non-acceptable behaviours include (but are not limited to):
- smoking, drinking, drugs of any kind (even those prescribed by a doctor; Tylenol may be used if pain is so severe the eyes are bleeding, otherwise just suck it up and consider it practise for childbirth.
- eating any processed, non-organic, potentially contaminated (ecoli, salmonella, mercury, dirt), non-vegan, non-heritage varietal, non-locally produced, non-free range, non-antibiotic free food that does not conform with the Canada Food Guide
- travel by automobile, bus, plane, train, walking on slippery or uneven terrain, or being pushed about in a wheelbarrow without a restraining strap
- exposure to smog, second hand smoke, car exhaust, lawn treatments, hair treatments, the ‘wears too much cologne man’ down the street, the smell of a farm in the spring, pine needles (or simulations thereof), new carpets, any age of paint, and generally going about where one might encounter VOCs without a personal respirator
- refusing to engage in regular physical activity in a Societially Approved Manner that does not violate the above points