Old, Bold and sometimes trolled.

 

Time sure flies when you’re having fun. We enjoy deflating the ballooning self-righteousness of rightwingnutters and neocon fundamentalists who pontificate about pregnancy. In the last seven months, we have also documented and observed the harsh realities that women and children face, in contrast with the pious public platitudes that put ‘Motherhood’ on a pedestal and promote fetus-fetishizing.

Here’s an overview of the most savoured, favoured and slyly humoured Birth Pangs that we’ve delivered in our early months.

These first selections are from April Reign, midwife to our blog’s configuration and endless tweaker in her efforts to make this site just more perfect …
Blob on a stick – Any similarity between the ‘blob’ displayed and the Aliens’ spawn is purely coincidental.

Valley of the Dolls – Diligent undercover work reveals the sordid underbelly of playtime indoctrination.

Pregnancy May Violate the Patriot Act – Proof that pregnancy is a hot button issue, always in the news even in the most improbable places.

Sperm Suffrage Now! – A report from the Every Sperm is Sacred! rally.

Pregnancy…not just for the pregnant anymore – The Center for Disease Control has a prescription and restrictions for the pre-pregnant.

The Sunday Fashion File – Styling tips for the pregnantly-impaired.

The incubators’ tale – Your mother thought it was safe to have a little nip of sherry. Wrong!

Graphic spurs Controversy – Sadly, Canada’s New Government™ has eliminated equal rights for women, pre-born or not. Fetus fetishizing lobbyists soldier on, though.

From fern hill, seven robust and ribald posts:

Pregnancy on Demand – A seminal item, one might say.

Win a Trip to Malta, Get Forgiven – Those crazy Catlicks and their antics, one of fern hill’s prefered source of absurdity.

Mandatory Obstetric Photography – Would showing women nekkid photos of their pre-pregnant selves shock them into realizing that their post-pregnant bodies would never look like that again?

Lightning Strikes Twice – Wherein forked tongues, tongues in cheek and cheeky lightning conspire to upstage the abortion criminalizers.

Greens: Abortion=Prison – The Green Party in Mexico pulls a stunt that throws a non-too-flattering light on our own Greenies.

Babs Is Knocked Up – This perennially popular item gets more google hits than any other entry along with the other search term “large breasts”.

Adopt a Child, It’s Good P.R. – Putting your money where your lying, hypocritical mouth is = a potential for child abuse.

Early blog posts written by deBeauxOs, who was jest goofing around.

I am Joe’s fetus. – Funny little world it could turn out to be, the way things are going …

R.E.A.L. Abstinence™ – No partying in anyone’s pants, if guys buckle up their chastity belts for good. The acronym stands for: Responsible, Empowered And Limp. There is something noble and dignified about men who practice R.E.A.L. abstinence™.

The virgin, the angel and choice – Mary says YES – but not like in that scene from the movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’.

Fetus-fetishizers seek legal status for placenta – When you’re hot you’re hot, and when you’re not, you’re a rightwingnut.

The Incarnating Game – Religion goes Hollywood.

Feta Rights Denounced by Miss Emily Litella – One more semi-ripened rant from our befuddled commentator.

God wants you to carry your kidney stones to term. – Why should fetus fetishizers limit their fanatic fundamentalism to abortion?

Last, but not least, three guest bloggers added their views to the chuckle-fest.

hevvin – BLANCHE DU BOIS waxes (un)poetic, in her inimitable caustic fashion. What do you say to a blob when you meet it in the after-life?

jj, aka unrepentant old hippie wrote an instant classic, International Day of the Unused Uterus which drew 20 comments, including this one:

A truly stunning mantelpiece decoration could be made by bronzing the ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus, still joined. The ovaries could become holders for small scented candles, perhaps, with a tasteful arrangement of dried flowers coming from the mouth of the uterus. The flowers wouldn’t fall out because we’d hot glue them to the cervix. If dried flowers aren’t your bag well, the cervix could hover just above a nice reflecting pool of imported springwater from Switzerland. Or Zanzibar if that’s your choice.

Why Stop at Alcohol? This was written with great authority, as well as a finely honed sense of irony by a very pregnant Sleeping Sun.

What’s ahead? Though we’re not psychic forecasters, we can still anticipate, to the best of our knowledge, that the abortion criminalizers and the fetus fetishizers will keep singing their one-note dirge from the same choir book. We’ll be here to express the voice of reason and to wield the sword of swiftian satire.