Damn Thanksgiving!

 

While we at Birth Pangs usually poke fun at the rabid fetus fetishizers here in Soviet Canuckistan, today we can’t help but feel a little sorry for them.

It’s tough being a Canadian fetus fetishizer.

They’ve got no mainstream political party on their side, let alone prominent worthies like Sam (Rapists Have Paternal Rights, Too) Brownback or Fred (I Don’t Recall Lobbying for the Pro-Aborts) Thompson. Even the USian Democrats with their glurge about ‘fewer’ abortions would be more to the FFs’ liking than any party in Canada.

(Well, there is Elizabeth (‘Giggles’) May, but the FFs are a little suspicious of her, because, you know, she’s a yucky female.)

Gord knows they try though. A while back, our fave fetus fetishizer borrowed from her Merkin cousins and tried launching a new meme, ‘Abortion Kills Unborn Women‘ (cue uncontrollable laughter). Unfortunately, that effort got soundly and roundly skewered by our own April Reign in Graphic Spurs Controversy.

Then there is the problem of Thanksgiving. Yes, Thanksgiving. Here in Soviet Canuckistan we celebrate Thanksgiving in October. Next weekend, in fact.

But next weekend is the weekend the Merkin FFs have scheduled for their annual bun-fest called ‘Life Chain’, where they lurk about on highways and byways holding faked-up gory pictures to scare the kids.

Now, to give the Canadian FFs their due, they realize that gory pictures don’t go all that well with turkey and all the fixins. So they held their bun-fest yesterday.

And, as usual, all the major mainstream media outlets flocked to cover it.

Um, well, no. We at Birth Pangs searched diligently and came up with one report from a radio station in Wingham, Ontario.

About 60 people of all ages gathered on the main street of Wingham this afternoon (Sunday) for a peaceful rally.

They held banners and signs with a message to encourage people to always choose “LIFE.”

Spokesperson Wayne Waechter says too often people take the easy way out with abortions or mercy killings– but he hopes the rally will help the public realize life is too precious to throw away.

And, sadly, the report got a fact wrong.

People all over North America staged similar rallies in towns, villages and cities for what’s called “The Life Chain in Support of Life.”

Indefatiguable in our efforts to bring BP readers the whole truth, we held our collective nose and ventured to the Dark Site, a discussion board for Canadian rightwingnuts that Da Boss won’t let us link to. There, someone started a thread to tally nationwide attendance. As of this morning, five FFs had reported a total of 982 men, women, and children! (Being generous-minded people, we used the upside of their estimate ranges.)

Add in the 60 from Wingham and we get. . . a little over 1,000!

Now that’s impressive. Especially when you consider they didn’t have to go anyplace special. They just had to get up, dust off the old signs (one poster on the Dark Site complained about using the same old signs every year — well, hey buddy, those faked-up photos weren’t cheap!) and loll around on a nearby corner.

Damn Thanksgiving. Why does a celebration of food, friends, and fambly have to fuck up the FFs’ solidarity with Merkin FFs?