Again, we at Birth Pangs are called upon to think something through that the fetus fetishizers can’t, won’t, or it hurts their wee pointy heads too much to do.
The batshit-crazy fetus fetishizers good citizens of Colorado may get to vote on when a blob of tissue becomes a person.
The Colorado Supreme Court cleared the way Tuesday for an anti-abortion group to collect signatures for a ballot measure that would define a fertilized egg as a person. . . . If approved by voters, the measure would give fertilized eggs the state constitutional protections of inalienable rights, justice and due process.
We totally agree that a state must protect its persons — unless of course they are Canadians on death row in the Excited States, in which case, fuck ‘em.
So, putting our little thinking caps on, we find that the first thing the state will have to do is closely monitor the places that new persons might pop up. We remember from Grade Seven Health Class that an egg of the human sort gets fertilized in a fallopian tube, which if we recall correctly, is a fairly delicate bit of plumbing located pretty deep in the (female only) innards. (It can also occur in test tubes, but we at Birth Pangs don’t really give a shit about that.)
But hey, technology to the rescue! The state could implant itty-bitty cameras in the fallopian tubes (2 per customer) of every nubile female. The cameras would be linked to an external alerting device, perhaps similiar to an air-raid siren, mounted on the female’s back. When the camera detects a successful sperm-attack (see graphic at the top of this page), it pings a signal to the alerting device which then goes off like a bevy of banshees signalling to all within a five-kilometre radius that ‘Yay! We got a new person here!’ The Person Police would then swoop in and nab the whoring harlot vessel of new life.
It will be necessary to nab the vessel immediately because for several days this new person is in terrible danger. Even though it exhibits a vital characteristic of what normal people think of as persons — freedom from physical attachment to anything or anyone — this is a perilous condition for this person. A malicious or even unsuspecting vessel of new life might cough, sneeze, or wiggle her toes the wrong way and POOF! The new person could go sailing off into oblivion. Or a tampon.
This would be tragic. And an instance of severe dereliction of a state’s duty to protect its persons — unless of course they’re Canadians on death row in the Excited States.
Of course, the state would then have recourse to criminal proceedings against the whoring harlot vessel of ex-new life and put her on death row with all the Canadians that Canada’s despicable government doesn’t give a rat’s ass about.
Admittedly, this will be expensive (not to mention noisy). Developing the technology, all that surgery, hiring and training a new Police Force. Buying them all Tasers for uppity whoring harlots vessels of new life.
But this is a sacred duty of the state we’re talking about here. Protecting its persons, unless of course they’re . . .
Oh, fuck it.
h/t to The Stormy Days of March and a razz for mattt-withthreets-bastard
Oy vay! That sacred state better keep their damned laws off my body!
Razzed by my homegrrrl. I can has arrived.
On a less lighthearted note, that AP article indicates that Montana, Georgia, Oregon, Michigan and South Carolina have their share of ‘life-affirming’ wannabe-Leninists, too (equal rights for acorns!)
Forget Orwell; the script is now being written by Philip K. Dick.
Yes, mattt, as you say, it’s a growing concern. Once the technology is developed and the police are trained, this could be HUGE. Me, I’m going to invest in Concepto-Cam Corp and BlackUterus Security.
PKD. In his grave. Rollin’ like a raver.
It is BLANCHE, she who is so frikken wunnaful she signs her name in capitols. And in capitals.
When a baby girl is born she has already got every egg she will ever have. They might not be fully developed, but they’re there.
When she is physically mature ..well, we all know what happens, we’ve been there, done that, didn’t get the tee shirt.
So
Should she become pregnant then for the next nine months no eggs slide down the fallopian tubes. Instead..well, we know…again no tee shirt.
So let’s get some equal rights happening … why only fertiized eggs get protection? Unfertlized eggs, after all, have the potential to…
but if she gets pregnant the UNfertlized eggs are denied their chance to…y’know?
And come menopause the whole thing stops anyway so there’s a built in limit to how many eggs get any chance at all…
the whole thing could become a huge pain in the face.
or elsewhere.
counting, extracting, storing, saving, and utilizing… in a world already overfull, in a world swarming with undernourished and even starving children a sane person would hardly see the need for any of this batshit.
Much easier and cheaper to round up these brainiacs and place them on some nice little island somewhere…drop groceries once a month…they can form their own little gubbmint, pass whatever batshit laws they want and then monitor and keep track of their own dam eggs, fertilized or otherwise.
I gotta tell ya…I thought things were about as nutso as they could get when Prestor John started across Yurrup with the Children’s Crusade but that was small potatoes alonside some of what’s rearing it’s empty head these days.
Cuckoo, just outright cuckoo