Amidst entertainment industry rumours that Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s pregnant and unwed younger sister, will be dumped – Jamie Lynn Spears: Not That Innocent – by Viacom/Nickelodeon, the clan’s matriarch, Lynne Spears, has found the inspiration to make Christmas eggnog from the lemons, err, eggs that life has handed her.
According to an undisclosed source, Birth Pangs has learned that Lynne Spears’ publishers have offered to re-package her and her daughters as the authoritative voices of unintended motherhood.
“Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World” had been set for publication on Mother’s Day in May 2008. Instead, the Christian publisher will produce a three-volume series based upon the maternal experiences of the Spears womenfolk. The second book, by Britney as told to a yet-to-be-determined legitimate writer, will focus upon the creative co-parenting strategies that the pop starlet has engineered while juggling a take-out coffee and a baby, dodging papparazzi, driving a vehicle, shopping, talking on her cell phone, nightclubbing, and avoiding court appearances. The third book, by Jamie Lynn will feature tasteful fashion photographs of before, during and after pregnancy outfits suitable for innocent pubescent girls to wear.
A spokesperson for the publisher pooh-poohed the criticism that the trilogy was an ill-conceived project. “On the contrary, one could say that the Spears women are genius savantes when it comes to conception, planned or otherwise”, he said and continued, “In fact, one could say that they embody the notion that Necessity is the mother of invention.” When asked how these books supported the other works that are published by this Tennessee-based company: Bibles and inspirational (Christian) books, the spokesman shrugged and muttered something about one hand not knowing what the other hand is doing.
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A big mooshy thanks to mattt for providing the one serious link in this story.
Wow. Not one, but three poster-grrls for ‘Regulate Pregnancy Now!’
*pssst* Won’t someone think of the traffic? The google ads? Why didn’t you put ‘Britney Spears’ in the tags? Sheesh.
Done. Opportunism is an equal right –
Condoms. Doncoms. Eoncoms. Foncoms.
SHE’s only 16, well not to worry about lawsuits, I’m sure MOM will give consent. After all this is her 2nd CashCow.
Nice return to action, dBO!
Don’t call it a comeback.
ETA: WTH?! Digg seems convinced that this link doesn’t work.
Hello, dollinks, it is BLANCHE, she who is so frikken wunnaful she writes her name in capitals.
Reading the above brings to mind something a wise woman has often said: it’s a pity birth control can’t be retroactive.
Oh , not just the bun in the oven, let’s go back a full generation. Show great-grandma what the fruit of HER womb is going to turn out, and what those fruits will, in turn, turn out and chances are great-grandma will glady grab the retroactive birth control and just save us all from all the glup, glurge, and crotch shots.
It makes me wonder…do these people do anything worth-while? Do they do anything at all except fuck?
I think I’ll go back to sharpening my sword. I was once a Templar, you know. I thought I had retired. Ah, but, see, it’s true, keep something for seven years and you are sure to find you need it all over again.
And WHY will “comments for this post will be closed on 17 April 2008″ What if one of us has a brilliant idea on 18 April? Deadlines are so………….dead. Y’know?