BREAKING! Childbirth Hurts Like Hell!

robert_austin_fitch_photography.jpgWe at Birth Pangs have said it all along: childbirth is messy, undignified, and bloody PAINFUL.

Researchers at the University of Newcastle who looked at evidence from the UK and beyond found significant discrepancies between women’s expectations of labour and their actual experience.

The sad fact is — no matter how often childbirth is presented as easy-peasy, every woman’s glory and duty — some women just aren’t cut out for it.

In fact, this story has given us an excellent idea.

After all, you wouldn’t have your teeth pulled without an anaesthetic, so why would you embark on something as major as childbirth simply preparing to grit them?

Just as the fetus fetishists would force every woman who wants to terminate a pregnancy to undergo and look at an ultrasound and be lectured about made-up bullshit the risks of abortion, we at Birth Pangs would have every wannabe-mommy tested for pain tolerance.

Many women, we expect, will come to their senses recognize the error of their expectations after just one tooth. Others, sadly, may require further testing.

But we are not heartless, of course. We would start with the less necessary back teeth, only progressing to the front teeth in more brainwashed intractable cases.

And, in the most extreme cases, where the woman insists on going all the way, we would provide her a set of attractive dentures absolutely free of charge.

We’ll leave the last words to Anna Davidson of the Birth Trauma Association:

“We sometimes seem to forget that while childbirth is natural, women in the past regularly died as a result of it, and we should be a bit more positive about the advances medicine has brought us.”

And a bit more positive about the alternatives, as well.

*photo credit
Robert Austin Fitch Photography


  1. says

    Well. I have 4 kids. All 4 births, with no medication…..But you have realize that the Spinal block scared me more than the pain of the birth process itself.

    I have also had a tooth pulled, sans freezing? Guess which one hurts less? :grin:

    Childbirth, it ain’t for wussies.