Antigone Magazine: Dreams for Women – On Hiatus…

Antigone Magazine: Sexual Assault Bingo and other fun games

I have mixed feelings about one of my random internet finds: ‘Sexual Assault Bingo’. Each square represents a different example of blaming the victim or justifying rape. Hypothetically, next time rape is mentioned and Mr. or Miss. Patriarchy throws out “It was two in the morning. What were you doing out?” or “This is going to destroy his [the perp's] family, you understand” pull out your bingo card and go to town.

I could never see anyone who has had to go through the excruciating process of dealing with their sexual assault or that of a loved one pulling out a game (though it would definitely make a wonderful visual cue to the unenlightened that what they’re saying is trite and predictable). It seems like a subject that is too serious to mock with a game associated with Church halls and blue-tinted hair. However, as someone who has played ‘Hipster Bingo’ when at local concerts I know first hand how something so silly can call one’s attention to the predictability of stereotypes in the media and subcultures. Isn’t it sad when common threads emerge in worn-out conversations?

For instance, Andrea Rubenstein over at Official Shrub.com has a fun ‘Geek Girl Stereotype Bingo’. She explains her game like this:

Basically the rules are that when you see a media article, blog post, or anything else talking about women in relation to a geeky hobby (gaming, technology, science, etc) you pull out this scorecard and mark down which points the article touches on.

The squares cover everything from “The colour choice(s) being attractive to women” and “Talks about weight loss”. It definitely focuses your attention to the way women are portrayed and/or marketed to in the technological industry. Although I rarely read blogs or magazines about gaming or technology I do read such literary gems like People.com and US Weekly. And I’m sure some of you out there have your own niche subgenres that has some repetitive anti-feminist touches. So, Antigone Feminists, do you have any Bingos that you would like to share? Perhaps ‘Weight Loss Surgery Article Bingo’ or ‘Young Starlette Interview Bingo’ (which would definitely have the squares “she’s so down to Earth!” and “fame hasn’t changed her”).

Antigone Magazine: Dreams for Women

I just wanted to apologize that there will be no Dreams for Women this Saturday. I am just back in Windsor, ON visiting family. I will be posting the next Dreams for Women next Saturday so long as my mother’s scanner works! Take care and thanks for your support and submissions!

Whileaway North: Consent

Here’s the supposed “nightmare scenario:” a woman suddenly “changes her mind” and all of a sudden the poor innocent man finds himself charged with rape.

And yet, we’re told this is a classic “he said/she said,” and far from having is life ruined, this man has been acquitted.

I don’t want to get into the specifics of this case, but it does strike me as the perfect examplar of one of the fundamental arguments between feminists and society as a whole: if we say that sex with an intoxicated woman is rape, will men start getting criminal records left and right for picking up women in bars?

Please note, before I go on with my rambling, that I’m not saying this particular man is guilty or that the judge was mistaken — all I know about the case comes from the news reports, and I didn’t get to hear any of the testimony. I’m not qualified to offer an opinion, and I’m not a lawyer, either. I just want to talk a little about the situation as described.

The basic problem here is that it’s still perceived as okay to have sex with someone who’s intoxicated, and severely so. So intoxicated, apparently, that she had to go and lie down. This isn’t a case where she’d had a drink or two but was still alert. He had to know that she was pretty drunk, whether she was talking to him or not. Whatever he understood to be happening, why would he think it was okay to make a move in the first place? Why would he even want to?

And I don’t mean okay in a legal sense — I mean why is it culturally okay? This is what needs to change. There’s nothing inherently wrong with partying and getting shit-faced, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with casual sex and hooking up — but there has to be a line where too much of the former means the latter has to wait for another day. Who even wants to have sex with someone who was throwing up a few hours earlier? Is consciousness really too much to expect in a sexual partner?

I don’t know if this is something that can be legislated — I’m inclined to think not. Surely, though, we need to shift the cultural attitude. We need to teach our kids and each other that not only is drunk sex not okay, it’s not as much fun as sex with a fully conscious, actively and enthusiastically participating partner. Who doesn’t taste like vomit (ick).